


Sun Boy

by amreuse



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Emotionally Repressed Renjun, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Neighbors, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Theatre Kids, really really light angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27921682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amreuse/pseuds/amreuse
Summary: Renjun had never thought about another option, about another way to feel towards Donghyuck.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 53





	Sun Boy

Renjun had never thought about another option, about another way to feel towards Donghyuck — except hate. 

It had been like that all his life, growing up with this annoying loud kid next door who seemed to have the entire world at his feet. Every one in their little town loved Donghyuck. Donghyuck who would always be nice and say hi to everyone, Donghyuck who was always helpful and kind, Donghyuck who was called "Sun Boy" by the older women from the flower shop and the bakery. Donghyuck called them 'granny' and he would often get free pastries or flowers to bring home. Donghyuck who Renjun ended up seeing as soon as he entered his class on the first day of primary school, middle school, and then high school. Donghyuck who wasn’t shy and introverted, but funny and outgoing. 

As if the fact that they were neighbours was not enough, they even made the same friends.  
They were brought together, as if fate had decided it, when all it was between them was hate, hate born from nothing else than burning jealousy. And it actually wasn't even that big of a matter...at the beginning. Renjun was just over dramatic and 'hate' does sound better than 'jealousy' after all. It was a matter of pride, deep down : "I hate Lee Donghyuck", was more acceptable to admit than "I am jealous of Lee Donghyuck."

As years went by, Donghyuck gave up trying to understand what Renjun had against him, he simply decided to go with it. Which led to little fights, little teasing and stingy comments, that became bigger fights, now and then, whenever Jeno or Jaemin, their two best friends, weren't around to keep them away from each other. They were like dog and cat, they just didn’t get along because, it seemed, that's just how it was meant to be. This had all started from a young boy wanting to be like another, and then evolved into creating two rivals that would do anything that meant the downfall of the other — to no critical extent of course, they were still young and dumb before anything else.  
As Donghyuck would always say (which had the power to bother Renjun even more): Huang was there to give a show, to add drama. The irony of it, actually, is that it was exactly at the moment Renjun was preparing a show that he realised that maybe hate was not what he felt for Donghyuck, and annoyance wasn’t it either.  
For the first time he considered another way.  
Something that maybe, throughout all these years he had decided to ignore, to hide under all the contempt he had induced himself to feel towards his neighbour, to protect his pride. 

See, as they got to high school, after years of unbearable bickering, Renjun and Donghyuck had promised that they'd try to keep it down, to start acting more mature: to fight less.  
Jaemin had the wonderful idea that they start doing extra activities together. Both boys found it funny how Jaemin had acquired a motherly role towards them. That was at least one thing they had in common.  
Jeno, kind as they come, believed and knew that deep down Renjun and Donghyuck didn’t hate each other, they had just gotten so used to fighting that changing their relationship would have too big of an impact. Donghyuck thought he was a bit naive and Renjun had said that he had big expectations from someone like Donghyuck. That conversation had ended in another stupid quarrel, but Jaemin got to the end of his plan. Renjun joined the school's drama club and his "enemy" did too. Just because both boys were constantly competing for straight As, first places, and now first roles, they did their best to show a good image to their professors. None of them wanted to get humiliated in front of everyone and it had happened enough to Renjun in middle school to have Donghyuck blame him for something that wasn’t his fault at all (or at least, not entirely). But who wouldn't believe the kind boy, with the pretty eyes, pretty hair and pretty skin that this town had seen grow up like the sunflowers in Grandpa Kim's field?  
Not that Renjun actually thought he was kind...or pretty.  
Driven by this motivation to excel, they'd barely speak during drama club and pretended that they didn’t know each other, and that worked pretty well — not one fight in front of their teachers, not one fight in front of the other students. They kept it strictly for behind the scenes and for their dear friends.  
All goes well until it doesn't anymore and Renjun and Donghyuck get assigned the main characters for the Homecoming play.

__________

Renjun should feel happy that his own hard work had paid off: his long awaited and desired lead in a play. However, the fact that Donghyuck was the one who got the second male lead was enough to ruin his mood. After all what was the point of rivalry if at the end there was no winner? The few extra lines Renjun had compared to the other boys didn’t balance out with all the scenes they'd have together. Scenes together meant rehearsals together and that meant seeing Donghyuck even more. Even if Mr. Moon had said "Lee Donghyuck, you get the second male lead", it didn't feel that he had gotten second place at all.

And it drove Renjun mad.

"At least your characters being friends will show how good you both are at acting!" Jeno had said during lunch with his signature eye-smile. (Renjun hated to admit it, but he agreed with Donghyuck, Jeno was quite naive.) There was some truth in what Jeno said though, a challenge that Renjun was willing to accept and succeed : playing Laurent's (Donghyuck's character) best friend so well that people would have to believe their bond to be as good off stage, too.  
After all, Renjun had found a particular liking in the drama club. It started as the only little thing both him and Donghyuck appreciated enough to join, but it had grown into more than that for Renjun, at least he thought so. What he knew is that he liked it enough to be willing to be in the same room as Donghyuck for more than two hours, as long as he could play. Donghyuck wasn't so bad at it either, actually, not that Renjun would admit it out loud or think about it: it’s what Mr. Moon said.  
Mr Moon was the teacher in charge of the club, he was an English teacher who found liking in writing plays for the students. He was very nice, always a smile on his face and he could've been one of Renjun's favourite teachers if only he didn't like Donghyuck so much. It was always like that anyways, everyone liked Donghyuck more.

It drove Renjun mad.  
It seemed that Renjun was the only one to see Donghyuck for what he really was. He wasn't as good as everyone thought. Yeah, he was kind, but in a particularly ass-kissing way, that's why adults loved him. He was such a prick...and he was so full of himself with his facade for everyone else to see and like.  
"You're making too much of it...just because you two started it off on the wrong foot doesn't mean he's actually bad." Jaemin would try to reason with him. "Since you portray a rude image of him, that's what he is to you and how he acts towards you."  
"Whatever you say!" Renjun would answer, shrugging, then he'd wave at Jaemin and head home. (You'd be surprised how often they had that conversation. Jaemin would ask on a monthly basis, to see if Renjun’s opinion would change — spoiler : it didn't!)  
Renjun always took the long way back, the one that went by the Old Kim's farm. It was a nice walk, Renjun liked sunsets and how it would look on the fields, until he'd reach the sunflower field.  
Old Mr Kim's "Eternal Sunflower Field" — so called because it has been there for as along as anyone can remember — was what Renjun hated the most in that town, after Donghyuck. (Of course, that goes without saying).  
Old Kim had inherited it from his father, who got it from his own father before him. And so it went and it had been for years, and so it will be. Old Kim's name spoke for itself, he had been around for a while, and the sunflower field had stuck for generations. 

Sunflowers made Renjun think of Donghyuck. 

Apparently, his parents had named him 'Donghyuck' after the sunflowers, his name meaning something related to the sun or whatever, he doesn't really remember. Donghyuck's mom had told him the story once. Renjun had done his best to forget, so that he could admire the most beautiful sunset on the yellow flowers just like anyone else. (For some reason, the sun shone better and prettier on the sunflower field, as if nature also pleaded in favour of the town's Sun Boy, it made Renjun sick.)  
Renjun can't remember a day when he walked past the field and didn't look away from the sunflowers cursing Donghyuck in his head. Until the day he doesn't anymore.

***

Donghyuck is eight years old, playing in the yard with his cars on a summer day when a huge truck parks in front of the house next to his, followed by a dark grey Audi. It’s the day he saw Renjun for the first time: a little skinny brown haired boy hanging off his mother’s arm. He was the first boy his age who ever moved in his neighbourhood, and Donghyuck was a kid like the others : kind, playful and awfully curious. All he wanted was for the boy who had just moved over from China to feel comfortable and happy in his new hometown, so that day Lee Donghyuck set out on the mission to be Huang Renjun's new best friend.

Donghyuck is seventeen now, he still knows Renjun, but his oldest memories — going back to that exact day, are all filled with Renjun hating him. All except one. For all Donghyuck remembers, he always asks himself: "When did it all go wrong?"

It was Renjun's tenth birthday. Donghyuck is now nine years old, he's turning ten this summer! He's very excited about it. Back then, that's all he knew, looking forward to his tenth birthday, but even more to his best friend's tenth birthday. In fact back then, it seemed that, at least, Renjun did like his neighbour — they did everything together: school, games, even holidays from times to times! Donghyuck's mission was proceeding just fine and he was very proud about it, and he took pride in doing his best friend job correctly.  
And best friends give each other gifts for their birthdays, right?  
Donghyuck wanted the best for Renjun, and a song was the best he could offer. He asked Renjun’s mom about his son’s favourite song, and he practiced and practiced and practiced, planning a little surprise show. He wanted to make Renjun happy. So after everyone got a slice of red velvet cake (Renjun's favourite!), little Donghyuck asks for everyone's attention, says a bit nervously (even if there was no reason to be, and he knew it — the guests were only family members except him, because he was Renjun's only friend) that this is his gift for Renjun, and he starts to sing.

His memory gets a bit blurry about the rest after that, but he knows Renjun didn’t thank him, he remembers him running away, he remembers the parents praising him and complimenting him and asking him to sing again and again and he remembers Renjun avoided him the next day. Donghyuck never sang again after that day, not even when he was alone in his room. Not ever.  
But he doesn't remember hating Renjun — he remembers feeling sad, and sorry, and he remembers asking himself what he did wrong.  
Today, he realises he already cared for Renjun a lot back then. 

"Maybe that's where it all went wrong.” Donghyuck thinks much more than he should, even if he really doesn't know why it went the way it did. It has become quite a habit now, rethinking everything that he can remember, because Renjun hates him now and Donghyuck doesn’t know why.

Donghyuck is thirteen, in middle school and he has two new friends: Jeno and Jaemin who are Renjun’s friends too. He looked so annoyed about it, about him being around. Donghyuck ignores it everyday but every night he wonders what he ever did to him, what ever changed between them.  
One day, Donghyuck got tired of it all, and he didn't ignore Renjun anymore — they had their very first fight that day. Donghyuck lashed out, screamed and let all of his thoughts out (it felt good, he bottles up his feelings too much). All because Donghyuck apparently couldn’t be friends with the same people Renjun was friends with. Stupid jealousy. 

It was on that day that Donghyuck decided that if Renjun hated him so much...maybe it was time he'd give some of that hate back to him. He’d talk back to every stingy comment, they’d argue about everything they didn’t see eye to eye with, he’d avoid him, take a different road back home, everything Renjun did to him. But what really bothered him was that deep down he didn’t feel hate towards Renjun, even if he wished he did. He was simply confused. He tries to make Renjun hate him more and more every day, but the truth is that every day he’s glad Renjun doesn’t ignore his existence, even if the attention he gets is all negative.

Donghyuck has become Renjun's favourite person to hate and Renjun was Donghyuck's favourite person, he just wants it back. If he knew what happened, he would change everything, all since the very first day, especially the part where he caught feelings for his neighbour.

"Hyuck? You good?" Jeno asks, shaking his hand in front of his face. Donghyuck snaps out. "Yeah..sorry. I was thinking.”  
"Oh! A first!" Renjun says sarcastically. Donghyuck ignores it.  
"Be careful not to kill those last braincells of yours, Lee!" Donghyuck sighs, lets Jeno squeezing his shoulder give him the strength he surely will need. "C'mon Renjun, let’s go. Mr. Moon is waiting for us."

Renjun barely had the time to be surprised about Donghyuck’s reaction.  
It's true, deep down, he preferred when Donghyuck ignored him so he didn't have to be mean. Believe it or not, Renjun wasn't a mean person, he didn't like being rude. (However, deep down, he couldn't help that part of himself that would rather annoy Donghyuck than to have him ignore him.)  
Donghyuck had no time to be surprised about how quick Renjun let it go, because they received the news about the Homecoming play, and their assigned characters. They stayed silent and didn’t address each other for the rest of the day.

And just like that a week passed.

Jeno and Jaemin were worried as to why they just wouldn’t speak to each other. It is weird for them, they should at least start learning their lines. Jeno and Jaemin would do anything to see them bicker if it mean they’d address each other again. The unusual silence during lunch made both of them uncomfortable.  
Donghyuck asked Jeno to help him learn his lines, and Renjun did the same with Jaemin. They both knew that sooner or later they'd have to get back to the drama club where they'd start working and setting up the play. Jeno and Jaemin won't be there to replace one another forever.  
Donghyuck knew, because he remembers the time Jeno and Jaemin were not there and him and Renjun were all but what they are now. So Donghyuck had made a choice. Little did he know that Renjun had, weirdly, come to the same conclusion.  
So under Jeno's and Jaemin’s awed eyes, before entering the auditorium, Donghyuck called out Renjun asking him to put things aside just for the sake of the play and Renjun agreed mumbling, still as prideful, shaking the other's hand in a promise of putting on a great show. And they left.  
A fly entered Jaemin’s open mouth. Okay, not literally, but both him and Jeno were awestruck, they pinched each other, and walked away beaming. Maybe this was the beginning of something new, they had never expected their original idea to actually work. They could get used to that.  
(Little did they know...)

***

Jeno met Donghyuck first. They were fifteen and they shared a class together. It would be an understatement to say Donghyuck didn't shine, because he did, and he really did wrap everyone around his little finger, Jeno was just one out of many others.  
Not long after that, he met someone who wasn’t part of that group of people. Huang Renjun seemed to be immune to Lee Donghyuck’s light.  
He didn't know what he was getting himself into by befriending these two sweet boys that brought out the worst in each other.  
Him and Jaemin had a sort of silent pact. They never needed to speak, they'd just meet each other's eyes and knew they could put up with quite a storm, dark clouds hiding sunlight.  
They knew before Donghyuck told them: he definitely did not hate Renjun.  
Donghyuck remembers the day it clicked inside his brain and heart, he remembers running to his two friends, taking them away from Renjun, ignoring his neighbour’s protests and insults. His friends asked him what was going on, a worried look on their faces — that quickly turned into laughter the moment he spat out his feelings for Renjun. Jeno had smiled while Jaemin patted his back, still giggling: "We know, we've known for a while now!"  
It had left Donghyuck quite surprised, but maybe that's what good friends are for: knowing and understanding before you can do so yourself. But Donghyuck was also so confused all the time because how could he start liking Renjun?

"Lee? Lee?! Donghyuck?!?"  
"Ouch!" Donghyuck exclaimed as Renjun pinched his arm.  
"Can you please focus so we can finish this and leave? Believe it or not, I have other things to do besides repeating this scene with you."  
Donghyuck shook his head. "Sorry, right." Renjun notices how this isn't just the first time Donghyuck spaces out. It’s not the first time of the day, nor the week and Renjun thinks about asking him about it. But thinking is all he does.  
_Donghyuck might just be a bit tired_. Renjun swallows his ounce of worry and they manage to finally finish the scene.  
Without goodbyes they both head out to the parking lot. They walk together, quietly.  
The sun has already almost set, they must've gotten more caught up in their reading session than expected. Renjun hates to admit it but he is slightly scared of the field road when it gets too dark and he's alone. He's so caught up thinking about taking the risk of walking home with Donghyuck that he doesn’t notice Donghyuck had walked up to a car until he hears a familiar voice calling for him.  
"Renjun! Want a lift home?" It's Donghyuck’s dad.  
"But s-"  
"No buts! C'mon jump in." Renjun gulps. He has lived next to the Lees for almost all of his life, he knows there's no arguing with Mr. Lee.  
"Thank you." He says smiling, sliding into the backseat.  
"Of course Renjun! We're neighbours, it's the least I could do." Donghyuck's dad lifts his eyes in the rearview mirror, where they meet Renjun's. A quiet drive does not exist in the Lee family.  
"So, Renjun, what were you doing so late at school?"  
"Uh..I'm in the drama club with Donghyuck"  
Donghyuck is sitting shotgun, looking out the window. Renjun reads annoyance on his face.  
"Oh right! How could I forget, Hyuck even told me."  
"Oh.” That brings a weird feeling to Renjun's stomach. The fact that Donghyuck talked about him to his parents somehow makes him feel bad, almost guilty, even if he'd never admit it. The thing is, he tries to avoid the subject of his neighbour with his parents all the time.  
"So how is it going?" Donghyuck's father asks.  
Before Renjun can understand he is asking him and formulate an answer, Donghyuck speaks.  
"We’re the main characters. Best friends." Renjun can hear a smile in his voice, that's a tone he never hears from him. He sees Mr. Lee grin : "Well, well if that isn't cool!" He turns off the engine once they’re parked in the driveway and he takes off his seat belt. "We should celebrate that." He says winking. They say goodbye and goodnight and Renjun knows exactly what it meant.  
One of the many perks of being Donghyuck’s neighbour was that any occasion was good for their parents to have dinner together.

__________

"Sorry Jaem, I can't walk home with you today,” is the first thing he says sitting down at their usual table in the cafeteria.  
"Good morning to you too, Jun,” Jeno says. Renjun smiles and greets him.  
"Why? Drama club again?" Jaemin asks. Homecoming is fast approaching and Renjun has been staying after school almost everyday for practice, which means he doesn't get to walk with Jaemin and enjoy his cherished autumn evening walks by the fields. "Actually, not this time,” Renjun sighs.  
"Family dinner at my house, my parents want to celebrate." Donghyuck says standing behind Renjun.  
Funny, Renjun hadn’t even noticed he wasn't present.  
He goes to sit next to Jeno, letting his school bag fall to the floor. "Celebrate what?"  
"Our roles for the play,” Renjun answers Jeno.  
Jaemin swallows a chuckle. Donghyuck, just like Renjun, looks particularly enthusiastic about it (note the irony). Silence falls upon the table. "So...how are rehearsals going?"  
"So far so good,” Donghyuck answers  
"Yeah, the play is coming together well."  
"You two can make sure me and Jeno are gonna get seats in the front row." Jaemin says with a grin as he wraps his arms around both his friends' shoulders.  
Donghyuck shoves him with a smile. "As you both should! Me and Renjun are carrying this entire play on our backs. Right Renjun?"  
Renjun nods, a bit weirded out. He's not really used to Donghyuck addressing him or having a normal conversation with him.  
"I'm looking forward to it," Jeno replies.  
The table's atmosphere quickly changes as conversations start flowing easily, except for Renjun who was a bit quiet, but when was he not? (Every time he wasn't bickering with Donghyuck.)  
He isn't particularly enthusiastic about the dinner later, but talking normally with Donghyuck didn’t feel so bad — actually, quite the opposite.  
Renjun wonders what is up with him, he can't remember ever thinking that something about Donghyuck was "not bad". Today wasn't exactly the day to start, was it?

Donghyuck is waiting for Renjun outside his class when the bell rings. He's leaning on the door frame as he stares at Renjun putting away his stuff — and there's a voice in the back of Renjun's head telling him that maybe today is the day to get over it. Renjun cordially asks it to _shut the fuck up_ before he walks up to him.

"What are you doing here?"  
"Perfecting my best friend role, of course." Renjun frowns.  
"You should see your face!" Donghyuck snorts, "My dad is waiting for us at home but I thought we could walk together to read over scene six, maybe? Since we couldn’t really rehearse today."  
Renjun chuckles. "What?" Donghyuck asks.  
"It's funny seeing you so invested in something, Lee. But I guess that's not such a bad idea."  
Donghyuck grins, a full grin with all his thirty-two perfectly aligned white teeth. "I always have good ideas, Huang." That stupid grin again, it gets on Renjun's nerves.  
He walks past him not looking back, heading directly outside. Donghyuck will follow, he assumes. Once out of the building, Renjun automatically heads for the field road.

"Hey! Where are you going?"  
"Home." He answers like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, which it is. Renjun turns around. Donghyuck is still standing right at the school entrance.  
"But home’s that way!" He calls.  
"Trust me for once, will you?" He doesn’t wait for Donghyuck to catch up with him, but the latter does to Renjun's surprise.

"I didn't know this road lead to our neighbourhood."  
"I thought you knew this town, Lee?"  
"Apparently not as well as you do. Wait, is that the Kim's farm over there?" He points to a building in the middle of nothing, not really far but enough for only the shape to be distinguished. Not that it was hard to miss in the middle of fields, mostly empty due to the season, that spread for miles and miles.  
"Yes."  
"Oh, I see where we are! This road is so cool, must make walking home more enjoyable." Donghyuck hates walking in silence, Renjun knows that. He suddenly regrets heading this way now, as the idea of Donghyuck walking home by the fields — the only thing Renjun felt like he hadn’t taken from him just yet — creeps into his mind. He tries to brush it off as they start reading their lines out loud, but Renjun isn’t good with intrusive thoughts.  
They're walking faster than Renjun usually does, maybe it’s to get home faster so that they can head to dinner, maybe it’s to spend the least time possible with Donghyuck, maybe it's to not let him enjoy the view. Renjun doesn’t want to give him that, but there's just one field left between them and their houses and the home cooked meal awaiting, and the sun has just started setting.

"Look! The sunflowers are so pretty." Donghyuck stops mid-line, there are sparkles in his voice Renjun hates to hear. Is it so hard for Donghyuck to not sound so mesmerised about every thing? Is it so hard for him to not have everything related to him, shining in some way? (Not that Renjun thinks he actually shines, of course haha. There’s no way)  
"I know they are." But Renjun is not looking at them, he is staring down at his feet and the pebbles on the road. He doesn't think he could manage the burst of hate seeing both sunflowers and Donghyuck under his favourite evening light.  
"You're not looking at them." It’s as if he reads his mind. He did that a lot when they were kids and Renjun still spoke Chinese, Renjun had forgotten about that. He never really expected anything to remind him of it either.  
"I see them almost every day, you know? I always walk by here." Renjun bites back, defensive, and with that he snaps his head up and that’s when it hits him.

It's not hate that washes over him as he sees Donghyuck kissed by sunlight, there is no way hate feels like that. Suddenly he understands why people would call him "Sun Boy". There's an unidentifiable feeling taking over his entire body, making his fingers tingle as Donghyuck shakes his head, letting out a soft sigh. "Right," he mumbles, and Renjun hates it so much. So much more than he hated Donghyuck or the sunflower field and he thinks that maybe that's because it was never hate, there's a voice in the back of his head — that sounds an awful lot like Jaemin's — saying "Maybe it's not him you hate, but what you feel for him." Renjun pushes it back, kicks it to the deep dark corners of his mind, right where it came from.  
It's like the world has stopped: Donghyuck immobile and quiet taking in the sunlight and the scenery and it seems nature takes him in in return, making him shine more than anyone ever could, more than all the stars, and definitely more than humans because there is no way a human being can actually be so bright. Both the Sun and Sirius are out of the game.  
The only thing moving is the light breeze rippling through their hair and lulling the sunflowers reminding Renjun this is not a painting or a picture, but reality, and the gears in Renjun's head as he thinks of something, anything, to break through the silence and cut the moment short, to break down the ethereal sight unfolding in front of him. Just so maybe the emotions inside of him stop too, and the dance school in his stomach stops dancing before Donghyuck turns into the Sun and the Sun into Donghyuck.  
The first thing he can think of.

"You talk about me to your parents?"  
It's like Renjun had been watching the world in an over saturated filter over the past minutes and he’s now seeing it being swiped away, it releases his body in relief as Donghyuck’s face falls.  
"Not just _you_ , Renjun. Everyone. Jaemin and Jeno too...you're not going to tell me you don't?"  
Renjun doesn’t answer but the silence holds the unsaid.  
"Oh." Donghyuck says in a whisper. This time, he kind of liked the silence better instead of Renjun bluntly replying, hitting him with the fact and reminder — what Donghyuck had tried to forget — that he seriously hates him.  
"We used to be best friends, we're neighbours yet our parents have no clue about what happened...they wouldn't just let it go." He shrugs, trying to get rid of everything else slowly settling in his stomach just with that shoulder movement. It's not really effective.  
"Used to,” Renjun mumbles, almost inaudible with the hope that maybe Donghyuck won't hear if he believes hard enough, but the wind makes no favours and Donghyuck hears him insist on that. That little stingy past tense that hurts more than a stab to the chest for Donghyuck. Renjun shuts up and the other boy feels tears prickle at the corner of his eyes.

The dinner proceeds quiet and awkward, neither boys really wanting to be there. They don't address each other, blame things on the "exhaustion from all the rehearsals" because "they are busy actors now!" They still smile whenever Mr. Lee cracks a joke.

Donghyuck goes to bed sad, though. Sad, dazed and confused more than ever, thinking about what on earth ever happened between him and Renjun, and whatever it was that made the other boy hate him so much. If he hadn't done it already too many times, he would go through all his memories again and again until he found what all started it, just so he could fix it. But at this point there had to be something, a memory that he just couldn't grasp, that held the key to all this mess, and maybe the fact he couldn’t remember made it worse.  
Renjun who spaced out many times throughout the dinner, goes to bed thinking — thinking about what he felt earlier at sunset. Thinking that he knew nothing, nothing at all, if all this time he couldn't even recognise what hate felt like. Thinking that it was the first time he hadn’t looked away from the sunflowers, thinking that it was the first time he hadn’t cursed Donghyuck in his head while passing by.

***

Donghyuck decides to be the bigger person.  
He is set on stopping this thing between him and Renjun, he is tired of feeling bad because he doesn't know what he ever did wrong, because the boy he likes hates him with his whole being.  
So he decides he will talk about it all with Renjun, finally put an end to it and clear things out — after the Homecoming play, of course.  
Rehearsals continue, getting bigger and bigger, the decor on the scene taking shape and colour. Homecoming is in two weeks. Donghyuck cherishes all the time he spends not bickering with Renjun, in case it is the last moments it'll ever feel like they have a normal relationship.

All that, while Renjun spirals into fear.  
Fear of something bigger than him, something he had been so good at ignoring and pushing away, something acknowledging the existence of can only make his own more complicated : he is terrified to the core about what he feels for Donghyuck. Spending time with the latter almost everyday confuses him even more. Renjun feels like he's living out of his head at all hours of day, fog covering his brain — except for when he's on stage. At least that’s something he doesn't fear: being seen, because he's hiding behind a character that isn’t him. A character that has everything sorted out even if he doesn’t know about it yet, and Renjun knows it by heart, how the story goes and twists before setting into place and he trusts himself enough to know he won't mess it up. Renjun wishes life was as easy as a high school play.

Jeno and Jaemin witness their two best friends transform into two theatre kids as all they ever do is talk about the play, all while trying to tell the less possible in front of them to avoid spoiling it. (Donghyuck and Renjun have kept script reading to themselves after that handshake a month ago). And while all around, the atmosphere is filled with excitement, Jeno and Jaemin can't stop thinking : what if this was really all they needed to get their best friends on good terms ?  
Renjun, as the good actor he is doesn't show much of what happens in his head. Homecoming is next week. They spend their evenings trying costumes, rehearsing on the set with all the actors and decor changes. The only thing Renjun does at breakfast, lunch and dinner is read his script. They say time goes by fast when you do something you enjoy, but for Renjun time goes fast when you distract yourself from the actual problem at hand.

Because all Renjun thinks about is Donghyuck.  
Renjun can't believe that for the sake of the play, they even decided to hang out together at home, sometimes at Donghyuck’s, sometimes at his place. He can't believe he doesn’t mind it, either. He hasn't minded anything about Donghyuck in such a long time. He doesn't understand himself anymore. His entire life has been built around despising, annoying and judging this boy, and now all he thinks about (when it isn’t his lines or the sight of Donghyuck under the sunlight, his classes long forgotten) is how he feels. Was it hate? Has it ever been hate? Has he been hiding from himself and denying that maybe all this time he liked Donghyuck, he liked him so much that he would rather despise him? To save himself once again from admitting the unthinkable he thinks, _No, I don’t like him, but maybe I just admired him so much I would rather hate him_.  
On a daily basis, it gets to a point where questions eat him up and he can’t get anything done. He has no answers, but he might know someone who does. He decides this time that he should take the risk of talking about it. He puts the thoughts that have been haunting his mind into words.

"Hey mom.”  
"Renjun! You're not rehearsing with Donghyuck today?"  
"We've done enough during lunch." He sits at the kitchen table, on one of the high stools. Mrs Huang is making dinner.  
Renjun, and anyone who ever tasted his mom’s cooking, knows she works magic with food.  
As a little boy, he loved to sit and look at her. She was in her element whenever she was in her kitchen. But she was a mother and she knew her son just as well as she knew how to make the best sweet and sour chicken in the world.  
"What is it, Jun?"  
The way his mom can understand him always catches him by surprise and now that she asked, there's no backing down.  
He takes a deep breath.  
"Do you think it's possible to admire someone so much you start hating them?" She pulls out a chair to sit in front of him, a fond smile on her lips.  
"Yes, it happens. But when it does it's not admiration anymore, it's just a lot of jealousy. And there's nothing positive about being so envious about someone."  
Renjun looks down at his hands, nibbling at his bottom lip, "You know when you think you've known something all your life, but suddenly you realise you never understood it properly ?”  
She chuckles. "Dear, I'm going to need you to be more specific, I'm not following."  
"Let’s say, theoretically, you've always hated someone. You have since as long as you can remember, and you only ever saw the bad side of this person, but suddenly you realise that it wasn’t hate or anything...maybe more like jealousy, like you said."  
"That's a lot of jealousy if it makes you hate someone."  
"I'm just wondering...it’s hypothetical."  
"Right, right," she says with a mischievous smirk. "Well, I don't think that you're a bad person Renjun...to me it just sounds like you really look up to this person but it’s hard for you to like them because you're scared. And maybe something happened that made you think it would be easier to hate them."  
"Mom, it's a theoretical situation!"  
"Oh, but is it?" She raises an eyebrow with a soft smile and the eyes of a mother that knows, because mothers just do.  
Renjun loves his mom but he believes she's an alien nonetheless.  
He takes his head into his hands with a loud sigh.  
"Renjun, do you remember your tenth birthday?" He shakes his head. "Do you remember Donghyuck's gift for you, then?" Renjun answers with a grunt, "Why are we talking about him now?"  
She smiles. "Three weeks before your birthday, I got a letter in the mail. It had no address, just "For Renjun's mom” written in big letters on the back. It was Donghyuck! He wanted to surprise you for your birthday, so he left a letter in the mailbox. No one would suspect me reading letters — you for sure wouldn't! That was so smart!" She laughs. "Now, I thought he would ask about what new toy you wanted, to be honest. But you know what Donghyuck asked? He asked what your favourite song was. I was so surprised, because why would a nine year old kid ask for his best friend's favourite song?"  
Renjun listens to his mom speak, scanning his brain, trying to find anything in his memories related to his tenth birthday, but he can’t, he remembers nothing. "I was extremely curious! What was he going to do? Well, sing it of course! Donghyuck’s gift for you was your favourite song. That's the best thing this nine-year-old boy had to offer to his best friend. Do you remember?"  
Renjun is quiet, he shakes his head and he feels frustrated. No matter how hard he tries, nothing comes up. It’s all blurry and confused and Renjun feels almost sad that he doesn't remember this side of Donghyuck that sounds like a person he definitely would want to be friends with.  
Well, he used to be. The thing is that Renjun would probably find a way to be jealous of him — it always came back to that.  
"I don't know why you suppressed that memory, but that day, after Donghyuck finished singing, you started crying and ran away. You locked yourself in your bedroom and I think about it all the time. I have no idea what happened in your head that day."  
"Don’t you know everything?" Renjun asks, sitting up.  
"After that day you never hung out with Donghyuck anymore...did you think we never noticed?" She continues, ignoring his comment. "Something happened that day that made you decide it would be easier if you only saw the worse of Donghyuck. But I don’t think you ever hated him."  
"I don't remember anything about that day Mom...and all I remember of Donghyuck is that I was jealous of him and that I hated how people would call him Sun Boy or how he was just so-"  
"Tch! Jealousy." She interrupts him, flicking her finger to his forehead. "Ouch!" he whines.  
"I don’t know why you're so jealous, that's something I will let you work out on your own...but I think you just really like that boy,” she says with a soft voice. A wave of emotions crashes into Renjun. He doesn't know what it is, but it reminds him of something that feels familiar, like how getting déjà vu or meeting someone you used to know after years feels, just like that day at sunset next to the sunflower field with Donghyuck. But this time he doesn't hate it. This time he lets it take over him without any questioning.  
Maybe he and Donghyuck should talk after the play is done.

While all Renjun thinks about is Donghyuck, all Donghyuck thinks about is _not_ thinking about Renjun.  
Since he decided he would talk with Renjun after the play, he's been thinking about it even more, already anxious of something that had yet to happen and that he couldn’t forecast. He had already thought about any possible scenarios and ran them through his mind multiple times, but he couldn’t be sure, he could never be sure. This concerned the boy that started hating him after he sang his favourite song for him on his tenth birthday. Unpredictable is quite an understatement. At some point, he gets tired of thinking about what could happen, he wants to focus on the moment, on getting ready for the play and spending the usual time with his friends without his mind being completely clouded, so he forces himself to not think about Renjun...Well, to some extent, because that's still the boy playing the main character in the Homecoming show, that also happens to be his neighbour. With the play so close, he started spending time with him at school and after school. Even if the past month has brought quite a mess into their lives, Donghyuck knows that they both are one hundred percent sure about this play. They now know it better than ever, and he is grateful for the feeling of security it's bringing to Donghyuck. Right now, it’s the only predictable thing, the only thing Donghyuck has no doubts on. If a killer were holding a gun to his head asking him to tell him about his biggest fear or recite the entire play, Donghyuck would opt for the play and succeed in an heartbeat. (There's no way he would address out loud that the thing scaring him the most right now is the extent of Renjun's hate towards him.) So yeah, Donghyuck knows his part pretty well and Mr Moon’s work is the only stable ground he has. He just hopes knowing the part well is enough in his life too. It's so funny how this play is making him feel grounded, when it’s also the straw that broke the camel’s back, starting this whole thing with him and Renjun and—fuck it! He's thinking about him now.

So, they're both thinking about each other — or trying not to, in Donghyuck’s (failed) case. But in the end, both still think about the play the most.  
The general rehearsal is on Thursday afternoon, the play is on Friday. Four days left to go.

__________

Monday goes as it usually does: the start of a new week which doesn't bother Renjun so much anymore. He grew out of loving the weekend and hating Mondays. He spends his lunch break in the auditorium, biting on his sandwich in between the scenes him, Tzuyu and Yangyang — two other members of the drama club, respectively playing the female lead and another member of the friend group — are still perfecting.  
Three days to go and Renjun and Donghyuck are freed from their physics class for costumes fitting. Being in the drama club turned out to have only perks.  
Wednesday, they receive the tickets every club member gets for free to give to their family or friends, which Renjun and Donghyuck give to Jeno and Jaemin after their parents had insisted on paying the entry fee — to contribute in paying off their hard work, they said. They spend a few moments talking about the final show that is now only two days away before Renjun and Donghyuck head to the auditorium again.  
They have the general rehearsal on Thursday afternoon, it’s d-1 and you can tell by the excitement buzzing in the air. Mr Moon is running left and right, a cup of coffee always at hand and Renjun can see stress all over his body. He's probably more nervous than anyone here, definitely more than him and than Donghyuck who he can sense calm, determined and extremely enthusiastic. He has been skipping around, beaming and Renjun finds it almost endearing. _Sun Boy at his finest_ , Renjun thinks and he almost slaps himself afterwards. If you told the Renjun of a month ago he would actually acknowledge "Sun Boy" as an appropriate nickname for Lee Donghyuck, he'd probably laugh in your face and menace to call the cops. He's still trying his best to adapt to this new situation — to not hating Donghyuck. He has come to terms with himself that even if he likes bickering with him, they can still do that as friends (which they haven't really confirmed being, yet), and Renjun has been swallowing down his jealousy and he finds himself living better that way. He still ignores any thought going past that, though. Any thought or emotion beyond the "just friends", or the "I’ve admired and looked up to you since we were kids I literally want to be you”. His mom would call him stubborn, especially after the conversation they had on the matter, but Renjun is literally an Aries, of course he's stubborn! His parents decided to have him that way!  
Mr. Moon tears him away from his thoughts as he shouts at everyone to get ready, the lights go low and Renjun shifts to another world as he lets the play finally live through him. He feels crazy good going to sleep that night, so excited for the next day that he is literally jumping around his room unable to even feel sleepy for a good two hours before he forces himself to lay in bed. He has to be at his best the next day. He reads his script over one last time, letting Joel's and Laurent's story — that he had grown so attached to, lull him to sleep. Living through their ups and downs of moving to the city, fighting and finding each other again. He falls into a deep slumber, his last thought anticipating the next night, worries about a golden boy long forgotten, just as any promise he had made himself regarding said boy. But that was okay because Renjun had to focus on the play, those thoughts would hit him back in the face on due time.

Anxiety strikes Renjun during his second period in the afternoon. The excitement and adrenaline from the morning slowly turning in slight panic, that he accepts just as Mr. Moon taught them to.  
"Everyone gets nervous before a show, that's only normal, the strength of an actor is to not let it take over you. Let it be that little push that makes you enjoy your time on stage even more. Don't let it freeze you, and you will see, you'll have a blast! The fun of it all, is that this applies to any situation out there, not only on stage or in this auditorium, but also daily life. Especially with school! Thank you to each one of you for participating in this play, have fun tomorrow and let’s make this the first of many more shows!"  
Throughout the month they had spent together, Mr. Moon taught them to deal with stage fright many times, but the little speech he had gave the previous night after the rehearsal played into Renjun’s mind on loop as he slowly breathed in, relaxing until that anxiety was turned into something indistinguishable between nervousness and adrenaline. Renjun just wanted to be on stage already.

"Okay everyone, 15 minutes to go. It’s time, come here, come around." Mr. Moon calls them. There’s a faint chatter from the audience that can still be heard in the dressing rooms as Mr. Moon gives out a little motivation speech. Everyone is dressed up, costumes neat and make up on point, the air is tense but in a good way, everyone is trembling in excitement and Renjun can’t lie, it's nerve-wracking but he wouldn’t want it in any other way. Nothing compares to this adrenaline, it’s the first time Renjun is going to go on stage. It’s Renjun’s first play ever, but it for sure won't be the last. "Remember, the most important thing is to have fun!" Mr. Moon finishes with that, smiling and putting their hands up together. Everyone moves into place, costumes on chairs ready for quick changes and actors ready to transform into someone else just for the night. Renjun goes upstairs, côté jardin from where he will enter as soon as the light will turn on and the curtains will open. On stage the last pieces of decor are being set. Renjun sneaks to the side of the curtain and looks at the audience filling the hall. He can see Jaemin and Jeno sitting in the front row, as they had promised, and not far behind them his parents chatting enthusiastically with the Lees.  
The lights go down and silence slowly falls upon every person of the audience.  
Renjun takes a deep breath.  
As Mr. Moon does his introduction speech — thanking everyone for their presence and other courtesies, he feels a hand gently tapping his shoulder. He's met with Donghyuck's sparkling eyes when he turns around.  
"It’s finally showtime."  
Renjun smiles, "Yup."  
There's a tingling at the tip of his fingers. They both worked very hard in anticipation of this very moment, and here they are seconds away from the projector’s light.  
"Break a leg, Renjun." Donghyuck says reaching out his hand. Renjun takes it and shakes it with a grin. "Break two, Lee."  
And with that, he walks on stage.

Renjun doesn't really remember anything before curtain call.  
He knows the play went well. He was so absorbed by his character, the play unfolding in front of him as if he was living it for the first time. Maybe it was Renjun his parents and friends saw in the limelight, but Renjun felt like Joel and what he saw were Laurent, and Julie, George and Isabelle — moving to the city, falling in and out of love, arguing and making up. He snaps out of it, running down a high when the auditorium, after a millisecond of silence, roars with applause. The curtain lifts up again and everyone comes to join him on stage, smiles reaching their ears as Mr. Moon introduces each one of them. Renjun is soaring.  
"And finally, Huang Renjun as Joel. Our star of the night!” He's pushed up front by his friends and he hears Jaemin scream as the applauses don't stop. He bows, arms crossed on his chest, cheeks hurting from all the smiling. He feels like he could fly.  
After Mr. Moon instructs the public on the exits, the curtain falls for the last time. All caught up in the moment, Renjun can't really process what’s happening. He finds himself wrapped into a huge hug with Tzuyu, Yangyang, Chaeyoung and Donghyuck.  
"We did an amazing job, guys! Renjun, you were amazing!" Tzuyu exclaims. Without those four, it’s true that this play wouldn’t have been the same.  
"You guys were fantastic too!" He says smiling.  
"There could be no better Isabelle than you, Tzu!" Yangyang adds.  
"Well, thank you 'George'!" She chimes.  
Chaeyoung pats Donghyuck’s back, "Hyuck, you were fantastic as well, we literally couldn't have a had a better pair to play Joel and Laurent,” she says, nodding in Renjun’s direction.  
"Guys, I think we were all mind blowing, congratulations to us!" Everyone cheers in reply to Donghyuck, and Renjun can’t help but look at him — he's glowing more than ever.  
They pull out of the hug, all giddy, and as the other three start heading back stage, Renjun stands there, petrified.  
"I saw your mom cry there at the end. You owe me!" Donghyuck says with his signature grin, already heading off and he doesn't notice the other boy doesn’t follow him, or that he couldn't care less about the bet they had made at lunch, the day before with Jaemin, right now. Renjun storms past him.  
If the fear had kept him still seconds before, it was now making him run, the fastest and furthest he could.  
It took seeing Donghyuck grin in the light for it to all come crashing down on Renjun.  
Images of Donghyuck flash through his mind: his smile during scene three, his loud laugh at scene seven where George tells Laurent and Joel about the Italian Restaurant, his angered eyes in scene nine when they fight, and the warm smile after they reconcile in scene eleven, maybe it was Laurent's character but it was Donghyuck Renjun saw.  
And like a splash of cold water or alcohol on a wound, Renjun gets kicked in the stomach by all he had shoved down during the past seven years. He likes Donghyuck so much it’s scary.  
So scary, that he's running away past the lobby and the parents in the school's hallways, outside to the first place his legs think of bringing him to.

Stupid goddamn legs that bring him to the sunflower field and give out as soon as he thinks he is deep enough into the yellow flowers to not be found. Stupid legs for bringing him right to the place Donghyuck knew he could find him, and stupid him for thinking he would not be found.

Renjun sits down on the grass, panting. He’s overwhelmed, to say the least. He feels so small under the moon and the stars. On top of that, it's like the sunflowers stretch around him up as to touch the sky, growing taller and taller as Renjun grows smaller and smaller. Nothing but a little dot in the infinity of the universe. All by himself with an overflowing heart and feelings way too big for his small frame. Thoughts speed so fast in his mind that he can't manage to grasp one to hold on for his dear life. He feels sick.  
He tries to focus, looking for anything around him to ground him. His eyes fall upon the deformed shadows of the yellow flowers. They were usually so pretty by day, but right now they looked almost creepy. He seeks comfort in them nonetheless: he hopes they'll bring back that familiar feeling he knew, hopes they'll wake him up from this nightmare in which he's in love with his neighbour, but all they do is make him think of Donghyuck.  
Donghyuck and his smile, his eyes, his sun kissed skin and Renjun thinks he hears his voice, singing “Don't Look Back in Anger”, his favourite song. He hears it so vividly he actually looks around, to make sure no one's around. Of course, there is no one. He’s completely delirious now, great! Donghyuck has officially driven him crazy.  
Renjun is chewing the scenery. He does feel like a larger than life character, except that his heart is the one over-acting, bigger than his body. He lets out a shaky laugh as Donghyuck's voice doesn't leave his head, creeping into every corner of his mind, until it’s the only thing he can think about. He's gone completely bonkers.

"Renjun! There you are!"  
Or maybe he hasn't.

Donghyuck's standing in front of him, shaky breaths leaving his mouth and a face shaped in worry.  
"I knew you'd be here...somewhere. It's not easy to find you between the flowers." He smiles.  
Donghyuck looks as breathtaking as always in the moonlight. Renjun is awestruck and he doesn't deny it this time, he lets the air leave his lungs for a whole second, at the sight of Donghyuck’s flushed cheeks sparkling in the moonlight. Sun Boy maybe wasn't in his element but the moon sure loved him as much as the sun did (as much as Renjun did).  
Renjun groans internally. How the fuck is it possible for one boy to have the entire universe at his mercy, bringing the sun and the moon to his knees, and Renjun is no exception either. Donghyuck has him in the palm of his hands, and Renjun is terrified.

"How do you do it?” Renjun whispers, breathless as if he could break the air by being too loud, and he didn't want that, Donghyuck looked too magical for Renjun to mess it up.  
Donghyuck looks at him confused.  
"How do you manage to make yourself so loved by others? Donghyuck, the world is at your feet, hanging at every word you speak. And I'm not talking about the old ladies that have seen you grow up. Or other people in this town — no, I mean literally everything and everyone. Every tree, flower, animal and celestial corpse in our system! Don't tell me you don’t realise." Renjun avoids his eyes, a sarcastic chuckle escaping his lips. He's desperate.  
Donghyuck doesn't answer, he just sits next to him, letting an uneasy silence fall over their shoulders. He looks up at the sky and Renjun unable to handle the quiet lifts his head up to look at him. Donghyuck's eyes are closed, his lips stretched in a soft smile and Renjun's heart explodes in his chest.  
"You said my name."  
"What?" It's Renjun's turn to be confused, maybe he heard him wrong.  
"It's the first time you’ve called me Donghyuck."  
“I...I literally use your name all the time? What are you on?"  
Donghyuck shakes his head, laughing. He has a very pretty laugh, it makes Renjun’s chest warm — but he's even more confused now. The younger boy looks back to meet his eyes and Renjun gets lost.  
"You always use it when you're talking about me but you never address me with anything else other than 'Lee'. I can't remember the last time you called me by my name. It’s nice though, I could totally get used to it." He's grinning, eyes slightly ajar. Renjun's cheeks go red and he turns his head away. He doesn't like this, he doesn't recognise himself in the way he's responding. When did Donghyuck start affecting him this way?

"Renjun, I think we need to talk."  
"About what?"  
Silence.  
Renjun knows. Well, actually he doesn't but he hopes maybe it’s the same thing he thinks it is, or something along the lines...becoming friends, participating in more school plays — going back to their nine years old selves.

"I really like you, you know."  
Renjun is completely caught off guard, Donghyuck drops the bomb like it's nothing. No, he doesn't fucking know?!  
"You what?" Renjun blurts out.  
"Yeah...surprise! I don't hate you, never have. Actually." Donghyuck's eyes shy away. Renjun is just staring at him, eyes and mouth agape.  
"What the fuck?!" Renjun’s brain has officially stopped working. Props to Lee Donghyuck for that!  
Renjun shakes his head, correcting himself as he sees Donghyuck's face almost drop in terror.  
"I-I mean...what do you mean? Lee- _Donghyuck_ this is very sudden, I don't think I follow."  
Donghyuck sighs, "Yeah, sorry...I didn’t really know how to start off. I totally get it — you know since lately...things have been good between us? I guess? I just thought maybe we should talk about our friendship, or about whatever happened between us to clear things out."  
A full on rambling Donghyuck, now this is a first.  
"Obviously, confessing was not the best way to start...I-I'm sorry, I mean confessing to the person who clearly expressed their hate towards you for years is kind of weird-" Donghyuck chuckles nervously. Renjun can't believe his ears. Now he _really_ believes he has gone completely mad.  
"What?!" He interrupts the other's ramblings.  
"What, what?"  
"What did you just say..?"  
"That you hate me?"  
"No, before that."  
"That it wasn't the best way to start?"  
Renjun shakes his head, "No, no. After!"  
Donghyuck gulps. "That I confessed?"  
Renjun gets dizzy. "Yeah," he mutters. He sits dumbfounded and Donghyuck looks back at him, confused. Just two idiots staring at each other. Renjun’s brain is working faster than light, he's trying to find something to say, but words are stuck in his throat and he's not even sure he understands.  
"Listen," Donghyuck exhales, "I know you hate me, but I hoped that lately it was at least...a bit less than before. I didn't mean to make it weird. I'm just very impulsive and I wanted to say it for so l-"  
"I don't hate you, Donghyuck." Renjun interrupts him, and it's his name again in Renjun's mouth, he doesn't hear anything else and Donghyuck thinks he'll never get enough of it. Oh but wait a second.  
It clicks in Donghyuck’s brain.  
"You what ?"  
"I don't hate you- Or more like, I recently realised I didn't. I never did." Renjun finally dares to look at the other boy.  
"Well, that's funny..."  
"I like you too, Hyuck. I like you a lot."  
Renjun can't believe he finally said it out loud. Renjun felt as light as a feather as soon as he finally confessed the words that had been weighing his heart down. He might fly away in the night if Donghyuck doesn't hold him down.  
"Wow. I-I wasn't expecting that." Donghyuck is at short of words — and of breath. Renjun liked him back? God, that doesn’t sound real, that can't be real. "How, what, when?" He laughs and Renjun looks at him weirdly. But Donghyuck is just so happy right now.  
"I'm sorry, I just...don't understand, I can't believe this. I literally spent all those years wondering what I ever did wrong to you...and...and you like me?"  
"I’m...new to all this," Renjun starts explaining, "I thought I hated you actually. Don’t know why, I just found ways to. I was so envious of you, of the way you were so comfortable speaking and starting conversations with anyone, of the way everyone loved you. I literally wanted to be you! And my mom says that much jealousy can’t be good, so I guess it all turned out into what I thought was hate? It's hard to say but, I guess it's all because of my pride. Better have you as an enemy than to be your friend and constantly get angry about everything you do so perfectly."  
"Renjun, I-"  
"Wait! Let me finish! This last month, working on the play and all...It didn’t feel bad. And I got so confused because I saw your face in the sunlight, that day we were walking home, and like, it literally hit me in the face that hate didn’t feel like that. My mom made me realise I was just a dumb boy incapable of admitting his feelings."  
Renjun huffs. He looks away embarrassed.  
Donghyuck’s smiling so much his cheeks hurt. "God bless Mrs Huang! She is so right! A very dumb boy indeed!"  
Renjun shoves Donghyuck, a fake outraged look on his face because of the futile insult. The way Donghyuck's looking at him — with that stupid giddy smile on his face, makes his heart sore higher than the stars.  
He wants to kiss him. Very badly.  
"You’re one to talk, _Lee_ ,” Renjun rolls his eyes, insisting on the last name on purpose.  
"Oh no! Please bring Donghyuck back!" He says laughing. His eyes soften.  
“But I guess you’re right. I’m not much better. I've been liking you for the past...three years I think?" Renjun gasps at that. "I'd play the stupid fight game just so we'd talk. I couldn’t go through our primary school phase where you’d just ignore me. So I’d answer to every stingy comment. Then one day it just hit me. I also did spend every day of the past seven years wondering what I did wrong, even stopped singing...after your birthday I thought I sang so badly I made you run away." He might be laughing, but there's a point of sadness in his voice. Renjun can’t help but reach his hands out to hold Donghyuck’s, he can't believe what he made the other boy go through for seven whole years.  
"Hyuck, I'm so sorry." Renjun says, searching for his eyes. He'll never be sorry enough.  
"Hyuck...I like that." Donghyuck just replies with a side smile. He squeezes Renjun's hand, making the older blush. Donghyuck teases him for that, Renjun retorts, offended, but his cheeks only grow darker.  
"No, but seriously. I've been so dumb."  
Donghyuck smiles, "We both were very dumb. But at least things are okay between us. Right?"  
Renjun nods, "Right."  
They stay there in the middle of the sunflowers, talking and they never once let go of each other's hands. Renjun feels at peace, it finally feels like everything fits. Like everything is right.  
Their little bubble of comfort, though, pops when they realise they're currently missing the post-play dinner at school. They had completely lost track of time, but the sky lets them think they weren’t missing for so long. As they’re heading back, fingers tangled and hands fitting like a puzzle, Renjun remembers something.

"Hey Sun Boy!" He stops in his track, forcing Donghyuck to do so as well.  
"Oh no!" His neighbour groans, "Not that nickname, you too!"  
Renjun smiles, tugging the younger’s arm, "What? I think it’s really fitting. I used to dislike how everyone called you that...but it's actually...so _you_!"  
"Then I'll make an exception, just for you." They are centimetres apart, chest to chest. Donghyuck stands a bit taller than Renjun, the fact that he has to lift his head makes him curse Donghyuck who just breaks into laughter. Renjun has never heard him laugh so much, and with the electric feeling running through his entire body as it resonates in his chest, he hopes he'll only hear Donghyuck laugh more. They stare into each other's eyes, Renjun lets himself get lost. He feels euphoric and he never wants to come down.  
"Sun Boy." He speaks slowly, making every syllable run smoothly on his tongue, eyes lost in Donghyuck’s shiny ones. He holds stars in there, too.  
It’s crazy how far him and Donghyuck made it in the span of only one month, when they go way back. In seven years they had never gotten close to this...all it took was a school play.  
As their lips meet, Renjun notes in the back of his head to thank Jaemin for forcing him to join the drama club with Donghyuck.  
Donghyuck notes for himself to thank Mr. Moon for giving him the main character's best friend role.  
Both him and Renjun laugh later that night at Jaemin’s face when he realizes that his idea was actually successful, exceeding any expectations, and they both apologise for thinking Jeno was too naive when he had always been right.  
Because Renjun had never thought about another option, about another way to feel towards Donghyuck — until he did.

**Author's Note:**

> i'd like to thank my beta & favourite person for bearing with me, giving the best advice and helping me get this fic done ^^  
> i hope you liked reading this as much as i liked writing it :D
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/tzuyuzn)  
> [my curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/tzuyuzn)


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